I often find myself looking out windows.

It seems such a bizarre habit. It's as if I have been sleep walking only to awake and find myself looking out one of our windows. Staring. Staring off into the same scenery I have seen day in and day out.

Is it a place for no thought; a minute to get lost in? I really don't know.

I do this most while I am standing in the bath tub waiting for the water to fill. I stare out the window above the tub into our back yard. It is a disastrous sight; overgrown weeds, broken toys, a pool we never figured out how to get to fill up correctly.

Still I stand there ... staring.

Another strange habit I have is watching my daughter's turtle, Jen.

I seem to be drawn into Jen's apparent quest for freedom. She swims at full speed to ram her head into the glass boundary...over and over and over; day after day after day.

Each time she makes her swim back from the glass, unsuccessful, I wonder what she is thinking...

"Just one more hard hit and I am out of here."

But even more then that I admire her, where does she find the courage inside herself to keep her plight going, to head back towards her window time after time after time.

Or ...

is it simply a habit and she too has no idea what the hell she is doing much less why.

I am thankful that at least for the moment I have one up on the turtle -
I am not ramming my head at my bathroom window, at least not at full speed!