Wake Up Call?

Recently, as once in a while happens, I became overtaken by this strange feeling of death. This dark emptiness catches my breathe and holds it for the briefest second.

Usually, it throws me into a numbness of trying to imagine death for myself.

But, this time feels different.

My life is considerably off balance: trying to figure this stuff out with the man of the house, fighting diabetes and subsequently my daughter, finding a job, feeling overwhelmed with the state of our home. I can't even add to this list my two cents about money- my pockets are literally empty.

Dangling from air, stationary, but spinning, wildly, out of control. In this state I find myself: half listening, missing appointments with friends, stressing the girls. . . lost. And the cherry on top . . . wishing days away.

Perhaps that death/emptiness feeling isn't about death at all but an alarm calling out to me,

WAKE UP!!!! There aren't enough days to be wishing even one away!

I remember my 92 year old Grandma when asked how she was would look you straight in the eyes, her smile accenting her rosy checks and reply:

Glad to be here.

I am glad to be here. I am glad this is my life. I am not truly lost; just trying to find my way in a part of my life with excessive feelings and no road signs.