Packing For Them

A few days ago

(well okay,
yesturday)

as I was soaking in self pity,

The Husband takes a stab at

boosting my confidence

by telling me

the things I am good at.



At the top of his list he says that

I am a wonderful Mom.

Look what great kids we have, says He.


I laughed.

The laugh of one in the know.


Truth is . . .

our children

are great people

despite the baggage

I keep packing for them!

Wake Up Call?

Recently, as once in a while happens, I became overtaken by this strange feeling of death. This dark emptiness catches my breathe and holds it for the briefest second.

Usually, it throws me into a numbness of trying to imagine death for myself.

But, this time feels different.

My life is considerably off balance: trying to figure this stuff out with the man of the house, fighting diabetes and subsequently my daughter, finding a job, feeling overwhelmed with the state of our home. I can't even add to this list my two cents about money- my pockets are literally empty.

Dangling from air, stationary, but spinning, wildly, out of control. In this state I find myself: half listening, missing appointments with friends, stressing the girls. . . lost. And the cherry on top . . . wishing days away.

Perhaps that death/emptiness feeling isn't about death at all but an alarm calling out to me,

WAKE UP!!!! There aren't enough days to be wishing even one away!

I remember my 92 year old Grandma when asked how she was would look you straight in the eyes, her smile accenting her rosy checks and reply:

Glad to be here.

I am glad to be here. I am glad this is my life. I am not truly lost; just trying to find my way in a part of my life with excessive feelings and no road signs.

I'm Back Baby!!!!

I'm back to blogging.
Not just because you missed me,
but for some reason this is where I find my sanity;
my balance.

I am a hamster turning the wheel without the good sense to get off. The wheel keeps on turning so I keep on walking . . . or perhaps I keep on walking so the wheel keeps on turning.

None the less, I am finding it hard to find the time to write even though I think in paragraphs all day long. Thoughts to be stranded in my head while I continue my walk on the hamster wheel.

Am I wasting my time writing on this blog; starting (not finishing) stories, plays, scripts - most likely. But it is sure a more satisfying way to waste time then doing my chores like the endless piles of laundry. (Unless, of course, I wear my birthday suit. Then for a brief cycle all the laundry in the house is done!)

So, for better or worse,
for reason or insanity . . .
I hope you'll take a walk with me on the blog wheel!