I just want to ask the people in the pictures below as well as the others there that night....
The clay county prosectuing attorney says that Michael's death is not a murder because you have the right to protect yourself, your family (and I guess friends, in this case) and your home... so my question to all of you there....
IF YOU WERE SO SCARED FOR YOURSELF, YOUR HOME AND YOUR FRIENDS, WHY DIDN'T ONE OF YOU CALL THE POLICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOT WHEN IT WAS HAPPENING.
NOT WHILE MICHAEL WAS LYING ON THE FLOOR DYING.
IN FACT, TWO OF THE GIRLS LEFT DURING ALL OF THE "INCIDENT"!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
I will be posting more about these pictures after some thought!
These are all pictures from the Liberty bowling alley on Michael's last evening, April 14th, 2009
This is a picture of my cousin Michael. Is this "man" the Micah Wynes that was involved in Michael's death.
Is this the "man" with the "Y" sign Robbie Burton? Robbie Burton was also involved in Michael's death.
Is this Danny Larssen in back. Danny Larssen was involved in Michael's death.
Andrew Beile and Michael. Andrew was also involved in Michael's death.
The girl in front with the peace sign, is Amanda Harrel, also involved in Michael's death.
This is a picture of my cousin Michael. Is this "man" the Micah Wynes that was involved in Michael's death.
Is this the "man" with the "Y" sign Robbie Burton? Robbie Burton was also involved in Michael's death.
Is this Danny Larssen in back. Danny Larssen was involved in Michael's death.
Andrew Beile and Michael. Andrew was also involved in Michael's death.
The girl in front with the peace sign, is Amanda Harrel, also involved in Michael's death.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
20th First Date Anniversary
Today is our 20th First Date Anniversary. We are celebrating by him going to work and hanging out afterward with his girl friends and by me going out with my sister and bro-in-law.
Time can be an wretched adversary.
BUT.... time can't take away that amazing first date!
He showed up in his concert T to find out that I had to postpone our date to later in the evening because my friends and I were not finished rehearsing for Ms. Halley's Dance Recital the next evening.
To my amazement he decided to come and wait. He sat in the back of Oak Park Highschool's auditorium while we practiced such numbers as "Another Opening, Another Show" in our top hats.
Who is that guy, Tracy and Michelle asked as we were kicking our heels up?
"Ben."I smiled.
When we finally made it to the date, we ate Pizza Hut and then played mini golf at Fantasy Land. Who won our very first round of golf, well.... that depends on which of us you ask!
For many years, we continued this ritual of our first date on June 17th...
Then Pizza Hut closed.
Then Fantasy Land closed.
And then our romance closed.
Maybe time will stop being such a sh^t and at least turn the light back on for our romance~
Time can be an wretched adversary.
BUT.... time can't take away that amazing first date!
He showed up in his concert T to find out that I had to postpone our date to later in the evening because my friends and I were not finished rehearsing for Ms. Halley's Dance Recital the next evening.
To my amazement he decided to come and wait. He sat in the back of Oak Park Highschool's auditorium while we practiced such numbers as "Another Opening, Another Show" in our top hats.
Who is that guy, Tracy and Michelle asked as we were kicking our heels up?
"Ben."I smiled.
When we finally made it to the date, we ate Pizza Hut and then played mini golf at Fantasy Land. Who won our very first round of golf, well.... that depends on which of us you ask!
For many years, we continued this ritual of our first date on June 17th...
Then Pizza Hut closed.
Then Fantasy Land closed.
And then our romance closed.
Maybe time will stop being such a sh^t and at least turn the light back on for our romance~
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
A Tear Jerker!
I was looking for the return address corner I tore off the letter Cousin Kim sent me. I found several old ones, but the golden treasure found during this hunt was this short little note that Michael left for Audrey with two professional soccer jersey's on our front steps.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Tumbling
My cell phone is acting up. It gives me the "white screen of death" then it won't turn off. Eventually, we somehow push the buttons just right and it's off. After pushing
"END" again; it starts it's starting song and reads "SANYO", promising me that it is now ready to continue it's work. But.... then when the song is over I have half a screen or it has strange lines all through it.
Good news is.... I did eventually get it to turn back on with a working screen. So, I thought I had better write down all of the phone numbers out of it. I sure don't want to look like a stupid teenager that loses their cell phone down the port-a- potty and then later can't call anyone because they don't know any numbers.
Or a stupid 37 year old housewife/paper girl who only knows how to hit the number 2 on her keypad because I, I mean, she doesn't know what her husbands cell number is without speed dial.
I am moving along just fine coping the numbers from the contact list... my sisters, my moms, Krispy Kreme, about 10 coaches numbers, Childrens Mercy, Ben's girlfriends, $2 theater... then I come to
I couldn't take my eyes off it.
I tried to will myself to move on. Reality is he is dead. I mean, I am not a dummy. But........
There I sat just staring....
It was have a full blown "Tumble" (as my aunt calls them) and cry or add his name to my list. (It would only be a small appetizer for my denial)
So, I did what any reasonable-well-adjusted-feet-on-the-ground women would do.... I added his name and number to my list.
I am happy with the idea because now I have an "in" into the great unknown... I think after the girlfriend comment I am going to need it!
"END" again; it starts it's starting song and reads "SANYO", promising me that it is now ready to continue it's work. But.... then when the song is over I have half a screen or it has strange lines all through it.
Good news is.... I did eventually get it to turn back on with a working screen. So, I thought I had better write down all of the phone numbers out of it. I sure don't want to look like a stupid teenager that loses their cell phone down the port-a- potty and then later can't call anyone because they don't know any numbers.
Or a stupid 37 year old housewife/paper girl who only knows how to hit the number 2 on her keypad because I, I mean, she doesn't know what her husbands cell number is without speed dial.
I am moving along just fine coping the numbers from the contact list... my sisters, my moms, Krispy Kreme, about 10 coaches numbers, Childrens Mercy, Ben's girlfriends, $2 theater... then I come to
Michael LaBarge..............................................
I just stared at it.I couldn't take my eyes off it.
Michael LaBarge..............................................
I tried to will myself to move on. Reality is he is dead. I mean, I am not a dummy. But........
There I sat just staring....
Michael LaBarge..............................................
It was have a full blown "Tumble" (as my aunt calls them) and cry or add his name to my list. (It would only be a small appetizer for my denial)
So, I did what any reasonable-well-adjusted-feet-on-the-ground women would do.... I added his name and number to my list.
Michael LaBarge 816-678-5456
I am happy with the idea because now I have an "in" into the great unknown... I think after the girlfriend comment I am going to need it!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Healing Angels, Tears, Hope, Antioch Road, Grief, Family, 2004, Today, OUCH!
More Raw Blogging...
Who knows how my thoughts can take me from A to B. But, somehow connected thoughts took me from today at the stoplight off 1-35 onto Antioch Road to August 2004. I would like to think my thought journey was not by accident but because my brain was one step ahead... dragging me onto the right path for healing; a path I have thus far been unwilling to step foot on!
First, I was thinking about the lady that I emailed back and fourth with after Audrey was diagnosed, she was my Healing Angel. You wouldn't think that I would have been in need of such a person. If you have spent any time traveling by my side you would know that I have been blessed out of proportion; my support system is amazing!
The first day in the hospital we wheeled my half asleep very sick 10 year old, IV in tow, into a meeting room. When Lauren, the lady who was going to teach us about Audrey's new life, came in to join us, it was standing room only. She waded herself through the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins to find her seat. She smiled; she was very pleased with the support. And Lauren answered every question from every player in the room.
My parents and sisters came over daily for the first several weeks after we came home. Lisa helped me make a shopping list and pick out recipes. She even went with me and helped me turn over every possible snack item in HyVee to read the carbs and find some that would fit into the "bootcamp" regiment for food we'd been assigned. Lara took every crazy call for information and support. Taught me how to draw insulin, get bubbles out of the needles, and give shots. My Mom and Dad did a lot of hugging, listening and bringing fun stuff to make it all easier. And when I wanted to get too radical and crazy with things, the closest one of them to me at the moment, would gently nudged me back into reality.
That is just to mention my family. Doesn't even touch the edge of our amazing friends.
Still I cried. I cried every night. I cried after every fight with Audrey. I remember the day that she decided that she was not going to take anymore shots. After we had words, I secretly went into the other room and gave myself a saline shot. OUCH! I went back into the room she was in and just held her. Okay, I told her, no more shots until your ready. Then I found a quiet spot and cried some more.
Everyday there were battles to face; some we won, most we lost. Everyday ended the same ... me laying in bed crying. I had fears and guilt I couldn't share with my family. Not because they didn't care or wouldn't listen but because it just wasn't in their home.
Then my friend, Deb, hooked me up with my Healing Angel. It was only through email that I ever even spoke to her. To her I bared it all. When she said she understood, I felt calmer . Her daughter had been a Type one diabetic for many years. Often she would write to me of hope and for the first time I was starting to believe it! Her daughter was not only healthy and thriving she was living Audrey's dream of playing college soccer!
Within several months I out grew the daily tears and fears and then we just stopped touching base with each other. She probably has no idea what she gave me.
My thoughts had lead me to that snidbit of time because I desperately want my Aunt to talk to Someone who has been in her "home". Someone who when they say they understand her loss, it's coming from a place of raw truth, they understand because they have walked it. Someone who when they say she will continue to hurt but move forward they know it because they too have lost their son and did move forward. I want her to let in her Healing Angel that is knocking on her "home" door.
Then my thoughts continued, taking me to a new place in my own grief. (I am at best a reluctant travel companion.)
I really have no problem story telling, looking at pictures or watching the video of Michael. I feel close to him in those minutes. Though I don't like to admit it it also allows me the fantasy that maybe he is just at work somewhere I can't get to right that minute.
But when I started thinking about how wonderful Audrey's cousins were to her back in '04, instead of thinking of a story about Michael, my body felt a familiar feeling. The one that I always got when I watched him play with or take care of my girls. The feeling of knowing that he truly loved them; would do anything for them. In those minutes I always felt so much pride for who he was and it deepened my love for him.
It was also the feeling of knowing he would always be there for them.
And that food chain of thoughts is how I ended up at the stop light off 1-35 onto Antioch with a tear in my eye... Struggling to think of how to get to this pretend place I have put him in in my head so I can hug him and tell him thanks for being so great to my girls!
Who knows how my thoughts can take me from A to B. But, somehow connected thoughts took me from today at the stoplight off 1-35 onto Antioch Road to August 2004. I would like to think my thought journey was not by accident but because my brain was one step ahead... dragging me onto the right path for healing; a path I have thus far been unwilling to step foot on!
First, I was thinking about the lady that I emailed back and fourth with after Audrey was diagnosed, she was my Healing Angel. You wouldn't think that I would have been in need of such a person. If you have spent any time traveling by my side you would know that I have been blessed out of proportion; my support system is amazing!
The first day in the hospital we wheeled my half asleep very sick 10 year old, IV in tow, into a meeting room. When Lauren, the lady who was going to teach us about Audrey's new life, came in to join us, it was standing room only. She waded herself through the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins to find her seat. She smiled; she was very pleased with the support. And Lauren answered every question from every player in the room.
My parents and sisters came over daily for the first several weeks after we came home. Lisa helped me make a shopping list and pick out recipes. She even went with me and helped me turn over every possible snack item in HyVee to read the carbs and find some that would fit into the "bootcamp" regiment for food we'd been assigned. Lara took every crazy call for information and support. Taught me how to draw insulin, get bubbles out of the needles, and give shots. My Mom and Dad did a lot of hugging, listening and bringing fun stuff to make it all easier. And when I wanted to get too radical and crazy with things, the closest one of them to me at the moment, would gently nudged me back into reality.
That is just to mention my family. Doesn't even touch the edge of our amazing friends.
Still I cried. I cried every night. I cried after every fight with Audrey. I remember the day that she decided that she was not going to take anymore shots. After we had words, I secretly went into the other room and gave myself a saline shot. OUCH! I went back into the room she was in and just held her. Okay, I told her, no more shots until your ready. Then I found a quiet spot and cried some more.
Everyday there were battles to face; some we won, most we lost. Everyday ended the same ... me laying in bed crying. I had fears and guilt I couldn't share with my family. Not because they didn't care or wouldn't listen but because it just wasn't in their home.
Then my friend, Deb, hooked me up with my Healing Angel. It was only through email that I ever even spoke to her. To her I bared it all. When she said she understood, I felt calmer . Her daughter had been a Type one diabetic for many years. Often she would write to me of hope and for the first time I was starting to believe it! Her daughter was not only healthy and thriving she was living Audrey's dream of playing college soccer!
Within several months I out grew the daily tears and fears and then we just stopped touching base with each other. She probably has no idea what she gave me.
My thoughts had lead me to that snidbit of time because I desperately want my Aunt to talk to Someone who has been in her "home". Someone who when they say they understand her loss, it's coming from a place of raw truth, they understand because they have walked it. Someone who when they say she will continue to hurt but move forward they know it because they too have lost their son and did move forward. I want her to let in her Healing Angel that is knocking on her "home" door.
Then my thoughts continued, taking me to a new place in my own grief. (I am at best a reluctant travel companion.)
I really have no problem story telling, looking at pictures or watching the video of Michael. I feel close to him in those minutes. Though I don't like to admit it it also allows me the fantasy that maybe he is just at work somewhere I can't get to right that minute.
But when I started thinking about how wonderful Audrey's cousins were to her back in '04, instead of thinking of a story about Michael, my body felt a familiar feeling. The one that I always got when I watched him play with or take care of my girls. The feeling of knowing that he truly loved them; would do anything for them. In those minutes I always felt so much pride for who he was and it deepened my love for him.
It was also the feeling of knowing he would always be there for them.
And that food chain of thoughts is how I ended up at the stop light off 1-35 onto Antioch with a tear in my eye... Struggling to think of how to get to this pretend place I have put him in in my head so I can hug him and tell him thanks for being so great to my girls!
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